Getting Settled

Moving every few months has some advantages.   You get to see new parts of the world.  You get experience new foods, new weather patterns, and easily satisfy your inner tourist.  As an added bonus you accumulate less clutter because you realize you may have to pack it all up in a few months.  For the passed 2 years Scott and I have been on the move.  Each move has been different...different challenges, different climates, and different adventures.

We chose Baltimore for many reasons and we were thrilled when it actually worked out for us to move here.  We have friends and family close by and there is nothing like having built in community.  For all of these reasons the "settling in" process has been somewhat easy.  We found an apartment and moved in within a few days of arriving.  We furnished the apartment within a couple of weeks (thanks to hand-me-downs from friends, Craigslist, and Goodwill).  I even found a job in record time.  Now that we have "settled in" it is time to begin the process of getting settled.

Now you may be asking yourself "what's the difference?"  Honestly until this move I thought the two phrases held identical meanings, but in the last week I have begun to see a distinction.  A definition I found on the World Wide Web describes to settle in as "to begin to feel comfortable in a new place" or "to become accustomed to one's new surroundings."  For me this means setting up our home, our refuge...a place where we want to go to rest and relax at the end of a long day.  It also means finding the best grocery store, figuring out where to buy dog food, driving around without the Garmin (at least for the most part), finding a new physician, finding a dry cleaner's and figuring out a few running routes.  At this point I can say with certainty that we've settled in.  

Now comes the next phase...actually getting settled.  It occurred to me this weekend that I have been in limbo somewhat dreading this next step.  To me getting settled means establishing routines, starting work, meeting new people, investing in the community, choosing a church...truly living life here.  All of these things are good but they also take courage and time.  For Scott this step began weeks ago when he started his IM rotation.  He was forced into a routine shortly after arrival and his days are accounted for.  For me it has been a little different.  I have been getting the house in order, cooking, cleaning and running errands in an effort to make life as easy as possible once I start work.  My vacation is coming to an end and it is time to start getting settled.  

Next Monday I begin my new job with some anxiety.  It is always tough being the new kid...not knowing where the copier is or how to work the fax machine, not having anyone to sit with at lunch, and not understanding what is expected of me.  For the first time in a while we aren't moving in 6 months.  We could actually be here for years; which is quite comforting...but it's also somewhat scary.  I have to give Maryland a chance; I can't just fake it until we move again.  I have to be intentional with the people around me and get to know this new city.  I'm not just biding time here; I'm living here.  

I don't know why this hit me all of a sudden or why it has me slightly freaked out.  So far I love it here and it seems to be a good fit for all of us.  I am looking forward to building a life here; creating new traditions, seeing new sights, and building new relationships.  I'm ready to feel settled but I know it takes time.  I guess I am afraid (there's that word again) that by the time I actually feel settled it will be time to move again.  I don't know what the future holds but I know I have to live each day to the fullest without fear of what is to come.  I am excited to begin this new phase and grateful I don't have to face it alone.

Fear

I'm not sure where to start this post.  I am filled with many emotions...excitement, fear, joy, anxiety, and thanksgiving (not the holiday).  This week has been challenging in many ways but also filled with blessing.

Allow me to backtrack for a moment.  Earlier this year a dear friend went to the dermatologist to get a couple of moles checked.  The result was early stage melanoma.  The moles were quickly removed along with all traces of the dreaded M word.  This prompted Scott to visit the dermatologist while we lived in Dallas.  He had 2 moles biopsied and 1 was pre-cancerous.  That mole was removed and now he has nothing to worry about.  I knew I needed to get checked out also but I was afraid and so I waited.  Before we left Miami to move up North I went to see a dermatologist (with some gentle nudging from my husband).  She asked if there were any concerns and I noted a mole on my back that doctor's have been monitoring for years.  She agreed that it was larger than she would like but wanted to check again in 6 months.  I informed her we were moving in 2 weeks...so we made the decision to play it safe and biopsy the mole.  I assumed by her willingness to wait that the biopsy would come back clear.

I was wrong.  Two days before we began our trek northward I received a call from the doctor's office.  The mole was abnormal and additional tissue needed to be removed.  This was not what I was expecting to hear.  I was anxious and afraid.  After several doctor's appointments I had the mole removed 2 days ago.  I was nervous and scared but now I am so grateful it is over.  Fear is such a strange emotion.  It focuses on the future, what might or might not happen.  It plays tricks on your mind.  After all was said and done I realized I was afraid of the unknown.  I've never had surgery before (except for having teeth pulled and a root canal), I've never broken a bone or had a bad cut.  The only time in my life I had stitches was when I was too young to remember.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  I was afraid it would hurt, afraid I would bleed to much, afraid the stitches would be uncomfortable, afraid of having a big ugly scar on my back, etc, etc.  

Now that it is over I can say some of the fears were valid.  The stitches are uncomfortable and in a very awkward location on my back.  I can't sleep on my back and my range of motion is limited.  But I cannot deny that I am so fortunate.  By God's grace the abnormal tissue was caught early.  I don't have to worry about that ugly mole turning into skin cancer.  I don't have to go through chemo.  I just have to live with stitches for a couple of weeks...no big deal.  I am grateful that the procedure went well, that I can rest and recuperate before I start working.  I am grateful that I have a loving husband that gets things I will need throughout the day off of the high shelf that I can't reach and leaves them on the counter for me.  I feel like a theme of this year has been facing my fears and and conquering them with God's strength.

I will leave you with a public service announcement.  Check your moles.  Here are some things to look for.

• Asymmetry: one half of the mole or birthmark doesn't match the other.
• Border: the edges are irregular, ragged, notched or blurred.
• Color: the color is not the same all over and may include shades of brown or black or sometimes with patches of pink, red, white, or blue.
• Diameter: the spot is larger than a pencil eraser (6mm or 1/4 inch)

If you have any concerns go see your doctor immediately.  It is also a good idea to go to a dermatologist once a year for a full body check.  

There is my soap box...I will step down now.  My prayer for you and for me is that fear will no longer be an obstacle.  I am tired of hiding and being held captive by fear.  I am grateful that I serve a loving, gracious God that continually presents me with challenges and equips me to conquer them no matter how big or small they seem.

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13