In Training

New Shoes

As many of you know I began training in September to run the ING Miami Half Marathon on January 30.  When I began training for the 13.1 mile race I had never run more than 3.1 miles in my life...and honestly never thought I would.  On my own I don't know how I would have gotten close to accomplishing this goal.  I would have pushed myself way too hard in the beginning and given up.  Through the training program I learned to take it slow and gradually increase distance over time.  

In December we left Miami and I was not able to accomplish this goal that I had been training so hard for.  I was disappointed but set my sights on the Rock N Roll Half Marathon in Dallas at the end of March.  With all of our traveling and the race delay running took a complete backseat to everything else in life.  Soon running 4 miles felt impossible.  I was discouraged and ready to give up...but Scott would not let me.  He encouraged me to start running several times a week even if it was only for 30 minutes.  He assured me that within a month I would get back to where I had been.  I didn't want to believe him...but he was right.  For the last 4 weeks I have been running consistently 3 times a week...usually no more than 4 miles at a time.  Yesterday I woke up early and went to a trail in our neighborhood.  I completed 12 miles for the first time in 2 months and it felt AMAZING!  I finished 10 minutes faster than I had previously and I did not feel like I was going to die.  I am so encouraged and have a stronger desire to continue pressing forward to accomplish this goal.

What I have learned is that it takes a series of small, manageable goals to accomplish one big one.  The key is consistency.  This is something I want to transfer to other aspects of my life...particularly my relationship with God.  I often fail to spend time reading my Bible or in prayer because I only have 5 minutes to spare it doesn't seem like enough.  But I guess 5 minutes is better than 0 minutes...right?  Scott and I are in the midst of a tough season of life.  Medical School is stressful and we have to deal with the added stress of moving often and not being able to lay down roots.  We have faced some set backs lately that have made me realize once again that I am not in control of my life.  I am powerless to determine my future.  I have been wrestling with one question.  Do I trust God?  The answer does not appear to be a simple yes or no.  I trust that God is good.  I trust that He has a purpose for everything and I trust that He is loving and merciful.  Do I trust that His path is best?  I want to say yes but I'm not sure I can.

A couple of weeks ago the pastor at our church read the following quote from C.S. Lewis:

                  "We are not doubting God will do the best for us, we're wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

This struck a chord.  I do trust God's plan, I'm just not sure if I will be able to handle the trials and obstacles we will face.  Rather than focusing on today I begin to play the "What If" game with our future.  I am a worrier and this game only causes my anxiety to sky rocket.  I am realizing that following God is like preparing for a big race.  I am in training.  I have to learn to take each day as it comes and choose to trust God with today.  I have to stop worrying about tomorrow and holding onto regrets from yesterday...I just have to trust Him with today and I can't give up when the path seems impassable.

I want to live out the apostle Paul's words in Philippians 3:12-14...

              "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

I am in training.  I cannot possibly achieve perfection in this life.  I will stumble and fall and stray from the path of trusting God but I know I can always start again.  I will keep pressing forward living this life trusting God one day at a time.

Winter Wonderland

Good old Mother Nature transformed North Texas into a Winter Wonderland this week...well sort of.  February arrived on Tuesday bringing with it freezing temperatures, sleet, and 40 mph winds.  I headed out the door early that morning only to be hit in the face with tiny pellets of ice.  I quickly went back inside deciding shorts may not be the best attire even for the short trek to the gym.  I was shocked to see the sidewalks and parking lot already covered in an inch of ice.  I soon discovered that all area schools had shut down and the roadways were impassible.  Like a little kid I hurried back to the apartment to check email.  To my surprise the office was indeed closed for the day.  

I worked from home with the news on in the background.  With freezing temperatures predicted all week it was doubtful the road conditions would improve any time soon.  Before dinner schools were already closed for Wednesday...and before bedtime so was the office.  I have never been so thankful for remote access.  Wednesday brought a new challenge; "rotating blackouts".  Apparently the unexpected cold snap was putting too much strain on the power grid.  I awoke at 6:11am to discover the power was out in the apartment.  I had no knowledge of the planned outages and began to worry a little...not enough to get out of bed though.  I snuggled under the covers and tried to go back to sleep.  Within 20 minutes the power was back on and I fell back to sleep.  An hour later I woke up again to find no power.  So I got out of bed and took Dora for a short walk.  The power came on before we got back.  I dropped everything and took a shower...still unaware of the electric companies handle on the situation.  Afterward I turned on the news and figured out what was happening.  Sure enough every hour until noon the power went out for exactly 15 minutes.  

Thursday the temperature was still below freezing and the roads were still covered in ice.  Schools closed for another day but I returned to the office.  My normal 5 minute commute took about 8 minutes.  With snow in the forecast for Friday I took home some work in case I couldn't make it in the next day.  The forecast predicted 1 or 2 inches of snow.  Well this is what I woke up to on Friday...

I have never seen anything quite like it in Texas.  It was soft, fluffy, white snow!  I was so excited to take Dora out that morning so she could play.  The snow was amazing...so clean, so pure.  It was such a beautiful reminder of God and the way He desires to work in our lives.  He wants to make us clean and pure just like the snow.  

I'm sure you are probably curious how a dog born on a tropical Caribbean island would react to snow.  Well...

She loved it!  She mainly wanted to eat it.  I think she would have stayed out there all day.  We did take several trips out during the day and even had a snowball fight...or rather I threw snowballs at her and she tried to catch them!

This actually was not her first experience with snow.  The weekend after we moved into our apartment we got a couple of inches.  Scott and I took her to the park.  Scott taught us both the finer art of snowball making.

Today the snow is gone and all those held captive by the ice storm were set free.  Good timing considering the Super Bowl is tomorrow and Dallas has been invaded by Steelers and Packers.  I enjoyed the snow but will not be sad if Spring comes early this year.

New year...new address

We are already one-twelfth of the way through 2011...where has the time gone.  Since my last post we have celebrated Christmas in Baton Rouge, New Year's in Houston...oh and we moved to Dallas.  This marks 3 moves for me in less than 18 months of marriage.  I do consider this an accomplishment considering prior to marrying Scott I had moved 4 times in 28 years.

I have never been a fan of moving because moving means change.  The first move took place when I was seven years old.  My parents decided to build a house 1.5 miles away.  There were many perks to this new house including land for horses and a bigger bedroom for me...but I did not want to move.  Moving meant I would have to change elementary schools and leave the friends I had made in first grade.  When we went to visit the new house I would not get out of the car.  I guess I assumed if I didn't see it then it might not exist.  I was a very stubborn child.

I did not move again until I was 21 and transferred to the University of North Texas.  For the first time in my life I had to share a room.  I was excited about this move because it marked a milestone in my life...attending a University and striking out on my own.  It was only after I moved in that I began to question the decision.  I was extremely homesick that first year away and spent most weekends at my parents' house.  The following year I switched dorms (move #3) and began to make friends.  

In 2004 I graduated from UNT and moved to the big city - Dallas (move #4).  I planned this move for months...5 to be exact.  I was apprehensive about living in Dallas by myself.  I spent months researching apartments and shopping for furniture.  I finally chose an apartment near Addison and spent approximately 2 hours a days commuting to downtown for work for 2 years.  I loved that apartment and ended up staying there for 5 years.  I even changed jobs to be closer to home...well sort of.

As a child I had an intense fear of change.  I developed strong emotional attachments to places, objects, people...I cried when my parents' bought a new artificial Christmas tree.  Moving threatened me to the core because I was afraid of losing things I cherished.  Looking back I can see that I never regretted moving after the fact.  In second grade I made friends that I still keep in touch with today.  In college I learned to take care of myself and navigate challenges without parental advice.  Living on my own in Dallas I learned how to pay bills and stick to a budget.  I also found a great church and discovered the faith I had been longing for...and I met Scott.

When Scott and I began discussing marriage I knew I would have to change my views on moving if I  planned to spend the rest of my life with him.  He tends not to stay in one place for very long.  Moving to Dominica was quite possibly the easiest decision I have ever made.  There was no doubt in my mind that Scott was the man God wanted me to marry...and I could not wait to start our life together.  As the wedding date approached I did have some hesitation but felt complete peace about putting all of my belongings in storage and moving to a third world country.  It was the best decision I have made.  Eight months in Dominica changed me in some unexpected ways...I learned to sit in silence and actually listen to nature; I took time to watch the stars and search out rainbows.  And I was able to rest...for the first time in years.

After Dominica we headed to Miami where we planned to stay for a couple of years...well that was our plan.  Now I will explain how we ended up back in Dallas.  In November, Scott took a comprehensive exam  (the COMP) at Ross.  He has to pass this exam before Ross will clear him to sit for Step 1 (1st of 3 Medical Board exams).  He can't start clinical rotations (last 2 years of med school) until he passes Step1.  After a trip to San Francisco he received his results...failed by 2 points.  Disappointing...however the real kicker was that he couldn't take the exam again until March 14, 2011...four months away.  This delayed our plans by at least six months. 

After we got over the shock we realized 2 things.  First, the extra time was a blessing.  He only has one more chance to take the COMP and the extra study time would help him prepare.  Second, that we could not stay in Miami any longer.  We were miserable there; we had few friends that we rarely got to spend time with and we were stressed out all the time.  Also we could not financially afford to live there without the aid of student loans.  Within a month I had a job lined up in Dallas, we found an inexpensive moving company, and we packed up the apartment.  This was by far the easiest move yet.  Everything fell into place so easily.  That is when I realized that it was never God's plan for us to stay in Miami. 

We are back in Dallas and thrilled to be surrounded by friends.  We will most likely be here for a short time...which means another move is right around the corner.  I have lived most of my life averse to change  and fearful of moving.  In this season of life I am learning to embrace change. I realize it may be painful in the middle of it but I know that I will be better for it.  Through moving I have met lifelong friends, experienced new cultures, begun new hobbies, and learned how to pack breakables.  Life is an adventure and rather than living in fear of the next big change I am learning to live for today.