Wrapping Up

I am not sure how to express my feelings right now.  Tomorrow Scott will take his final exam which consists of 2 separate 4 hour exams.  Please keep him in your prayers because he needs to do really well.  Then on Tuesday (6 days from now) we will depart Dominica.  I am excited to move on, sad to say goodbye to friends, anxious about all the unknowns, and grateful beyond words that I don't have to do any of this alone.  Living in Dominica has been a unique experience.  It has been refreshing to learn to live a slower pace of life.  In Dallas I was always busy...from work, to church, to Bible study, to spending time with friends...there was very little down time.  My life was so full of things that I enjoyed and it felt very fulfilling but was also exhausting.  The first few months in Dominica were tough.  I suddenly had lots of time to think...which can be a scary thing.  Being a housewife was never on my list of life goals...and to be honest I hated it at first.  I felt insignificant.  It was difficult to go from a career where I had clients depending on me and where there was always a deadline looming to a life where the only deadlines were lunch and dinner.  By December I was bitter and questioning why God sent me here.

I have received some answers this semester.  I needed to learn to relax; to sit in silence and enjoy my surroundings.  I needed to realize that sometimes it is ok to spend an afternoon watching movies and then to order takeout for dinner.  I needed to let go of the impossibly high expectations that I place on myself.  I needed to learn that I do not receive my identity from my career or from what people think of me.  I have learned that I am a child of God and that's all that really matters.  Second to that I am Scott's wife.

I love that we began our married life together in Dominica living in a 260 square foot apartment.  When you share a tiny space there is no place to hide.  It forces you to be honest and communicate with one another.  I can't just go to another room if Scott starts to annoy me...I actually have to tell him that he is annoying me in the most loving way I can manage.  And it works the other way around too.  I will miss sitting on the balcony with him, holding hands and watching the sunset.  Looking back on our time here I am so happy that I was able to be a housewife.  We were able to take advantage of every free moment he had from studying.  We had lunch together most days and dinner together every night.  We were able to go for walks on the beach in the middle of the day and run in the mornings.  We have become so close here and he truly is my best friend.

I am excited about the next chapter in our journey.  I can't wait to see our family and friends again.  I can't wait to reunite with Dennis (my first furry baby) and introduce him to his little sister Dora.  The next couple of weeks will be hectic.  We arrive in Miami on April 27th and then have 3 days to find a place to live.  Then we will land in Texas on May 1.  After a quick trip to Waco we will spend a couple of days in Dallas going through storage and saying Hi to friends.  Then we will begin the long drive to Miami.  We will spend a couple of days with family in Baton Rouge along the way.

Our final days in Dominica will be spent packing, saying goodbye and spending as much time at the beach as possible.  Please keep us in your prayers.  Pray for peace, strength and endurance for Scott during his exam.  Pray for stress free travel...no problems getting Dora on the flights and no travel delays.  Pray that we can find a great, pet-friendly apartment in a safe neighborhood in Miami.  Here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks ago we went to Sunset Bay for dinner with four of our friends (Ryan, Sarah, Jen and Neil).  Scott studies with the boys and I have become good friends with their wives.  We are sad to see them go to Michigan next semester but I know we will keep in touch.  Here are the boys...

And here are the girls...

Dora is growing like a weed.  She has a ton of energy and tends to be a bit stubborn.  In order to wear her out during the day we take several long walks and play on the beach.  I love this picture taken by a very talented Ross spouse.

Monday was Scott's birthday.  We celebrated by watching the sunset and having dinner at a restaurant on the beach.  It was very quiet and we enjoyed the time together.

Moving

I've never been a fan of moving.  When I was 7 years old my parents built a new house 1.5 miles away.  At least once a week we would drive over to check the progress on the house and I would stay in the car.  I did not want to move and thought if I did not acknowledge it, then it wouldn't happen.  Well I was wrong.  Over time I grew to love the new house...but it took a while.  Then when I was 20 years old I moved to Denton to attend the University of North Texas.  I was more excited about this move because it was my idea ,but then I arrived and realized I had to share a very tiny dorm room with a total stranger.  It wasn't the best living situation so I chose to move again the next year to a semi-private room.  Then in 2004 I graduated from the UNT and moved to Dallas.  I was nervous about moving to the city and living in an apartment for the first time.  I spent months researching apartment complexes and driving around to view properties.  I managed to secure an apartment and furniture 3.5 months before I actually moved.  Then it took at least 2 years to  meet new friends and actually feel settled in Dallas.  I lived in that apartment for 5 years.

In the last couple of years God has been working on my fear of change.  I felt the need to shake things up long before Scott proposed.  Moving to Dominica was an easy decision.  It felt as though God had been preparing me for this change for the last year and a half  and I knew the timing was right.  There was little to think about and plan for (as far as the move was concerned).  Scott already had an apartment down here ,a  church, and friends who were eager to meet me.  And I knew a lot about the island since he had lived here for a year.  I just had to put all of my belongings in storage and hop on a plane.  Reality set in after I got here.  Everything changed for me in a matter of weeks.  My idea of what life would look like did not pan out as I had imagined.  The "simple life" is very difficult at times.  Every day tasks like buying food and cooking take 3 times as long here as they did in Dallas.  I envisioned lazy days on the beach but instead I spent most days walking around...to multiple grocery stores in one day to buy 5 items, taking lunch to Scott, and home to escape the heat.  The first few months were tough but I am grateful for the way this experience has shaped me.  I've been challenged physically and realized that I can handle it.  I've learned to improvise and use what is available...from ingredients to household tools.  I've realized my expectations can be too high for myself and for others which leads to disappointment.  I am still trying to learn to manage those expectations.  All in all, Dominica has been a wonderful experience for me and I am glad I made this move.

Now I will come back to the main point of this post...moving to Miami.  I've experienced a lot of anxiety over this move.  Things are not falling into place as easily as I would like.  I have not been able to secure housing.  I've been working with a couple of realtors in Miami.  They have sent me multiple listings that would work but the owners are not willing to accept a short term lease.  The ones that will are super expensive.  I posted my resume on Monster and Career Builder last week and have received many responses from recruiters.  I am encouraged but at the same time fearful.  I feel helpless and out of control.  I know I am not in control of this situation...God is.  He has a plan and it will all work out the way He wills it.  I'm not sure why I can't accept that.  I appreciate Scott's constant reminders of this fact and the way he is able to find peace in it.  He is showing me what it looks like to trust.  We are in the process of revising our flight schedule.  It seems like it will be easier to find an apartment if we can see it in person.  Our new plan is to increase our layover in Miami from 1 night to 3 nights so that we can secure housing before we arrive in Texas.  We have very little flexibility changing our current plane tickets because they were purchased with miles so we are weighing our options.  Everything is up in the air right now and I am trying to be ok with that.  I'll fill you in on the details as soon as we have them.

I will leave you with some pictures from the last week or so....

This is my husband the clown.  3 little girls from our church had a joint birthday party last weekend.  Since all of the kids adore Scott, the moms asked if he would be the clown at their party.  He said yes and the kids loved it.  There is no costume shop in Dominica so this is his improvised clown costume...he looks a like a homeless Raggedy Andy.

Scott was a human bullseye. 

Dora is growing so fast.  She is walking on a leash now.  I try to take her on at least 2 walks a day to tire her out.  This picture was taken after one of her walks.  She was exhausted and passed out as soon as she got in the apartment.

Dora prefers to eat her food off the floor.  Unfortunately this scene is becoming a common occurrence.
 

Friday was Scott's last day of basic science classes.  I made him pose for a picture.

Good Friday

For most of my life I regarded Easter as just another day.  It usually included a big meal with my family , a visit from a giant bunny, and lots of candy.  It was fun and I always enjoyed it but I didn't understand the reason for celebration.  In 2007 Easter became something different.  That February I accepted Christ as my personal Savior.  It was a decision I wrestled with for years.  Finally, after years of doubt and months of searching it clicked.  That year Easter took on a new meaning.  I finally understood the significance of death and resurrection and what it meant for me personally.  I accepted that I was a sinner and I needed the forgiveness offered by God and granted through His son.  

This week I have been so wrapped up in preparing for our move that I began to lose sight of what is important.  Monday and Tuesday were spent talking to recruiters, real estate agents and preparing for a "garage sale" on campus.  I confessed to Scott Tuesday night that I was anxious and sad that I was letting everything else get in the way of preparing my heart for Easter.  Wednesday night Ross Christian Fellowship showed "The Passion of the Christ."  I saw the movie in 2004 with a church college group.  I remember being horrified and saddened by the portrayal of Christ's death.  I am still haunted by images from that initial viewing.  I did not want to watch it again but when Wednesday arrived I knew I had to go.  I had dinner with Scott and then joined some of the girls from Bible Study for the movie.  For 2 hours I sat there and was uncomfortable.  I was struck by the reality of Christ's death; saddened by the cruelty he endured.  He endured the punishment that I deserve.  He was ridiculed, beaten, spit on, kicked, and finally nailed to a cross even though He was innocent.  Verse 7 from Isaiah chapter 53 kept running through my head "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth."  I know I could not have accepted the punishment so easily and silently.  I would have protested, screamed, and probably begged for my life.  When the movie ended, everyone sat in silence.  I had a pit in my stomach...I wanted to cry but no tears came.  I left and savored the silence walking home as I tried to gather my thoughts.  Scott and Dora met me halfway.  I was at a loss and could not put my feelings to words.  He hugged me and tried to comfort me.  

What I took away from the second viewing of the movie is this...I am grateful that Christ became the sacrificial lamb and died so that I can have eternal life.  I realize that I did nothing to deserve this gift ,which makes it very special.  I pray that I never lose sight of that.  I will end this post here.  Look for updates in another post.  Happy Easter everyone!